It was a sunny Sunday yesterday, and we decided to take San to the park. She's been a lover of the slides and the swings, and was obviously excited about it. When we reached there, she wanted to go on the slides first.
And then, there it was - a small flight of steps, waiting to take her to the slide, scaring the excitement out of San. "No, San! You've done it a million times. Why not now?" I thought and wondered why she's suddenly scared of climbing the steps, of the small heights, of all the fun it holds. San stood there, on the first step, letting her fear out in the form of silly whines, waiting for Mommy or Daddy to hold her hand and guide her through the steps. I helped her climb up a few times, showing her how the other kids are doing it, telling her how she can do a 1-2-3 on the steps, assuring her that she'd not fall because she's holding the bars... and also telling her that we'd take her back home if she continues to be scared of it.
And worst of all, she was afraid to slide down too for the first few times. I watched her with a mix of embarrassment, anger, sadness, curiosity, and some more emotions. I hated the people who were watching her with a funny smile on their faces.
Papa dear asked me to let her be and not bother her. We watched her from a distance and cheered her constantly. And she did it again - the lost act. She suddenly froze at one point, anxiously looking at a crying baby, ignoring all the background noises. At another one, she vaguely looked at the people, like she's seen people for the first time. She kept smiling at the boys who were playing with their water guns, oblivious of her surroundings. We kept yelling, "Go, San, go! There are kids behind you!" "Look in the front, San! You'll fall!" But obviously, she wasn't listening. And then I walked up to her to wake her up, feeling like an ugly noise that disturbed a beautiful dream. Sigh!
She was fine an hour later, and I wondered why San did this, simultaneously cursing myself for going through those silly emotions. And then, it hit me - maybe she got it from me; the fear of heights and the lost acts... I saw my reflection in her and it was I who was scared now. I don't want her to be like me. I want her to be strong, fearless, and outgoing... not the timid one, like I was.
San happily watched the ducks later. And like all Mommies, I forgot everything about it after seeing the lovely smile and hearing the magical laughter of San... She's perfect the way she is!
And then, there it was - a small flight of steps, waiting to take her to the slide, scaring the excitement out of San. "No, San! You've done it a million times. Why not now?" I thought and wondered why she's suddenly scared of climbing the steps, of the small heights, of all the fun it holds. San stood there, on the first step, letting her fear out in the form of silly whines, waiting for Mommy or Daddy to hold her hand and guide her through the steps. I helped her climb up a few times, showing her how the other kids are doing it, telling her how she can do a 1-2-3 on the steps, assuring her that she'd not fall because she's holding the bars... and also telling her that we'd take her back home if she continues to be scared of it.
And worst of all, she was afraid to slide down too for the first few times. I watched her with a mix of embarrassment, anger, sadness, curiosity, and some more emotions. I hated the people who were watching her with a funny smile on their faces.
Papa dear asked me to let her be and not bother her. We watched her from a distance and cheered her constantly. And she did it again - the lost act. She suddenly froze at one point, anxiously looking at a crying baby, ignoring all the background noises. At another one, she vaguely looked at the people, like she's seen people for the first time. She kept smiling at the boys who were playing with their water guns, oblivious of her surroundings. We kept yelling, "Go, San, go! There are kids behind you!" "Look in the front, San! You'll fall!" But obviously, she wasn't listening. And then I walked up to her to wake her up, feeling like an ugly noise that disturbed a beautiful dream. Sigh!
She was fine an hour later, and I wondered why San did this, simultaneously cursing myself for going through those silly emotions. And then, it hit me - maybe she got it from me; the fear of heights and the lost acts... I saw my reflection in her and it was I who was scared now. I don't want her to be like me. I want her to be strong, fearless, and outgoing... not the timid one, like I was.
San happily watched the ducks later. And like all Mommies, I forgot everything about it after seeing the lovely smile and hearing the magical laughter of San... She's perfect the way she is!
