Locked-up souls

This is my third post since the time we came back to India...this is crazy! Such busy lives we have! Or is it just the usual excuse? sigh

And as I write this one, I do want to highlight the crazy times we are living in - the Corona times. Like most of us, we've locked our lives at home. They call it the "new normal", but it isn't. It's nothing close to normal. Not living at home, but the fact about our life being locked up at home.

We doubt everything we touch and everyone we meet. Kids can only look at their slides and see-saws from a distance. We're breathing the oh-so-fresh-air from behind a mask. We're washing and cleaning things like crazy. We've not been socializing. The shops are closed. Our favorite pani-puri guy is gone. No balloon-sellers, no roadside cacophonies, no hair-cuts, evening strolls by the 'chowpatty'. No school buses and office-goers on the streets. No queues outside the neighborhood temple. 

I can go on forever...

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Kids. San has grown more silent and Oli has become a chatter-box. San wants to go back to the US and Oli wants to go everywhere. San dreams of owning a big bungalow and Oli dreams of making sandcastles at a beach. They are so different. 

Oli has been devouring Peppa Pig's episodes. She talks like Peppa and cries like George! :D

These two girls are the Tom and Jerry duo! They fight, they play, and they care for each other! "Aww" moments and "Aarggh" moments galore!

They're busy with their online classes now - thanks to teachers for all the efforts they're taken to make this setup a success!

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We're 6 of us, locked up at home. Tempers can't fly out. Tempers can't stay in. Do what now? Screeeaamm! At times, it feels like I'm deteriorating, both physically and mentally. I've become a robot. I always work against a clock now. There's always a routine running in my head. Cleaning, mopping, kids, classes, laundry, office, dishes, food - it's a mish-mash soup in my head.

I should stop here.

Changes, fears, and a lot more

School's going good, so far. San loves getting homework and becomes sad on the days when she gets none. I asked her what she likes about the new school. "Two recesses!", she replied. :)

San is a little shy around people now. She always was, but her shy nature has gone one step ahead. I've been trying to get her to socialize with the kids she meets at her bus stop and the play park. If she doesn't get a response the first time, she quits trying. Maybe, it's the new environment. Maybe, she really is getting shier.

Or maybe, her brain is two years ahead of her actual age and everything that the kids of her age do is silly stuff for her. And what makes me say that? The way she looks at other kids at times!

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I, as a kid, used to be very shy. In school, I always chose corners or the back benches, away from the limelight and most of the people. Kids could bully me easily. I could never fight back. I used to feel bad and go back to the one friend I used to be around most of the time. Never spoke up. I still wonder how I survived school with that nature.

I want San to be the opposite of who I was as a kid. (That sounds terrible!) I need her to be able to stand up for herself, speak up for any wrong that happens around her, and take no nonsense from anyone. It's a big, bad world out there. Bigger and worse than what it was when we were kids. We're doing our best to guide her and bring her out of the shell she's sliding into.

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Oli is a happy child (minus the times when she is super-irritated because of teething). And let me gladly tell you all that she's been chanting 'Mummammamma" since a few days! Because San's first word was Papa, I was kind of jealous. :p Now I'm a happy yappy Mumma! Oli balanced it out. :D

Someday, we'll learn

The festive season, the festivities, the celebrations, the excitement... it's over now. I hope you all had a good time! :-)

Here's a little something that San and Papa dear got busy with this Diwali:

Painting the diyas! Serves as a great activity to keep the kids busy. :-)

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What's still on is San's Diwali break, or maybe should I say, Autumn break! Because it's still there, going on, happily with a wonderful load of homework (sigh!). And do you know what else can go on forever? My rant on my dislike for homework!

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Recently, San played musical chairs for the very first time at one of our outings. I'd explained her how to play and how not to react if she misses a chair and has to quit. She went on fine, down to three kids. And then it happened. She missed the chair and had to quit. And then what I feared, happened. She burst into tears and wept for quite some time while hugging me tightly. It wasn't the right time to explain her that games are supposed to be played for fun, not to win. We tried to explain her this later, but I'm not sure if she understood. She will learn with time, I believe.

The fear is, will she?

As a parent, I am supposed to support her, help her, inspire her. But then, as a parent, I also wonder if I'm doing my job right. These are common situations and fears that parents face, and still, we always get that "why-my-kid" feeling. Maybe, not every parent does. Maybe, I'm overreacting. Maybe, I too will learn to handle such situations better... someday!

Of trophies and broken hearts

Finally, the Ganesha festival events in our society are over. Sports, talent shows, dance, quiz, drawing and what not! It was a new experience for San. A first where she had to compete with other kids. She didn't know what it is like to compete. She thought she is good (the best) at everything.

When we talk about competitions, we talk about prizes and ranks. That's how it is (although, I wish it wasn't).

San had already had a not-so-great experience in the race that she ran, hoping that she'd be the first! She showed no interest in the fancy dress show, so I did not even try. She was, however, quite excited about the talent show where she was going to sing. I too was.

That evening, the kids started performing, showcasing the best of their skills on the stage. Confident, bold, happy kids. When San's name was called, she stuck to Papa dear and didn't want to go. We let her be. I had a small talk with her to cheer her up and build her confidence. I told her how beautifully she sings. The second time, she went up on the stage along with me. She wanted me to hold the mike. I did. But she froze. She kept looking at the audience who was cheering her. No effect. She remained frozen. I kept asking her what happened. No response. She just froze. She was clearly overwhelmed, and I too was.

San stayed in her shell with I-don't-know-what in her mind. Like a good Mommy, I should have kept quiet and let her be. But I couldn't help but ask her a couple of times, "What in the world happened?" The Mommy in me was restless and confused. I stayed in the restless mode, watching the other kids perform, and San stayed in the silent mode. I came to my senses later and realized how stupid I was to act like that. I said sorry to San, hugged her, and kissed her goodnight.

The next day, before the dance event was supposed to start, she walked up to the empty stage, and performed her song in front of me, the only audience. We had a good time playing pretend!

To my surprise, her dance performance went well. A solo performance and one in a group. I was grinning from ear to ear while watching her perform. All was well. She was down with fever, still, she did well.

In her favorite, the drawing competition, they'd to color a monkey face. The dreamy kid she is, she kept looking around before she started off with the blue crayon. She showed it to me and I said, "Use any color you want. Color it the way you like. Just do it." The result was a rainbow-faced monkey. Super!

So, all was supposed to end well, until they announced the results and gave away prizes yesterday. San's hungry eyes kept looking at the shiny medals and the trophies, hoping that she'd get at least one. No. She didn't. That's when her tears broke loose. The only thing she knew was she did not get a prize for the race, the dance, and her drawing. "Why?", she wondered. Of course, she was the best for herself and for us. I told her that we'll give her a prize from our side for performing so well. But nothing worked. What consoled her in the end was a chocolate that someone gave her. All was well once again.

Such a roller-coaster ride it was for San (and me)! I wish there were no competitions. And if there are, then they must reward everyone. But then, that is not how it is or will be. The firsts and the seconds will always be there. The medals and the trophies will always shine in their hands.

Maybe, I'll not say all of this if San wins one. Maybe, I'll forget all about the competition when I'll get to click a picture of San holding a trophy. Someday, maybe! :-)

Moody blues

What is it with the unpredictable nature of kids, I wonder.

San, who seemed 'over friendly' at one point, abruptly went into her shell at a recent birthday party. Kids were posing for the camera with their best toothy grins and San just didn't want to show hers. She just stood there with a constipated pose. And I stood there, staring at her, wondering what happened to my butterfly. Even as the kids were running around a table, San looked different from all - she looked conscious. It seemed that she doesn't like it when people look at her while she's having fun. So what we end up seeing is not the real San.

Additionally, since a couple of days, she's very reluctant to enter her classroom in school. She actually cries and hugs me tight, not wanting to let me go. All's well in the morning, when she wakes up chanting 'I wanna go to school', and talking about what she's gonna make for me today. She's fine when she enters school. But she switches off when she's about to enter her classroom. And let me tell you that she adores everything and everyone there. I've tried to talk to her about it, given her surprises when she promised that she'd not cry, but nothing seemed to work much. The best part is that it's only a five-minute tantrum/behavior and she goes back to her happy self later. But those five minutes happily ruin my good morning mood. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better morning!

These little things happen all the time. Change in moods, behavior, etc. But, do the mood swings happen for a reason, always? I have no clue. Because each time I try to find a reason behind San's abruptly-changed behavior, I fail. I'm not over her 'scared avatar' yet, and I've also started thinking about her ever-changing behavior. Is this normal? Of course, it is!

All I need right now is a refill of patience and some advice on 'how to get your child to tell you the real thing, not stories'.

Scary something, Scared San

Nights aren't so happy for us since two days cuz' San keeps waking up every now and then, crying and scared. Yesterday night, she woke up with a start, came to me, hugged me tight, and slept with me that way. I wonder if it is her dreams. Or maybe she saw something scary on TV. I don't think so, cuz' we don't let her watch any such stuff. So, no clue! Today morning, I asked her about it.

San, what scares you at night?
It's the scary thing.
What thing?
That thing! (pointing towards the blinds on the patio door)
What? Where?
See, the scary thing is going out, and it'll come back again!
I don't see anything, San. What is it??
Scary, Mommy.
San, Mom and Dad are there to protect you.
But where are the angels? You said that they'll come to protect me!
They come at night when you're asleep.
But I didn't see them, Mommy!
Cuz' you were sleeping, San.
Okay.

I wonder what/who is bothering her at night! I wish I could find out.

Of Easter, Blue Bonnets, and Miscellaneous

San enjoyed the Easter party at school, it being the first ever that she got to attend. She'd missed the Valentine's Day and Christmas parties, and I desperately wanted her to be able to attend this one! Class parties are fun - that's what I feel, and what makes me feel good about them is the colorful things and the yummy snacks that we get to buy for them, especially for that occasion. Obviously, I'm more excited than her about her class parties. :D

I took almost half an hour to decide which Easter basket to pick for her... I finally went with the one that San was roaming around with since that half an hour. And then the eggs, and the candies, and cookies... phew and fun! :-)

But then, I couldn't get her to say 'Cheese' for the Easter special picture of her friend and her. She stayed tight-lipped, but did show off one of her eggs.. haha! :-)

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This year, we finally got to enjoy the sight of the famous Texan Blue Bonnets! San only knew that we're going to see some blue flowers and obviously wasn't much excited about it. When we reached the patch where we could take pictures, San wasn't ready to walk through the pointy grass. And then, the mosquitoes and butterflies bothered her a bit too much! That's my delicate darling, who still managed to grin, standing tall among the Blue Bonnets. :-)

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She's been imitating her teacher in her pretend plays since quite some time now, and it's just getting better! I love the new words that she surprises me with... and the tones, the accents, the pitches... it's all fun to see and hear. :-) Also, I wonder if the Terrible Twos would get more terrible than what it is now...!

Let me also tell you that it's a delight to see your toilet-trained kid move around without a diaper, but it's no fun when they take you on restroom trips every half an hour, especially when you're enjoying a hearty meal... sigh! And then, San darling always hides behind me when the flush roars. :-)