Lately, I've found myself constantly nagging San about something or the other. I feel restless and talk rude when she struggles to get into her clothes by herself real slow, when she wanders off to her wonderland and forgets what she'd been doing, when she mixes all colors of the play-doh and comes up with an ugly-looking lump, when she reveals her finicky-self at the dinner table, when she happily sings her Dora song and stays in that Doraland... I know I'm not letting her be, I hate it, but I can't help it.
Maybe, I see a reflection of myself in her. The way I was when I was young... the timid one, the slow one... the girl who always chose a quiet, dark corner to sit, the one who was super-choosy about her food, the one who always stayed in her wonderland cuz' she never understood the real one. I don't want San to be like that, like I was. I want her to be like those kids who scream their lungs out, who are aggressive, who get what they want from others without sharing their own, who are highly social, who eat whatever is edible, who have that great ability to turn the whole place upside down. Really? No. That is just a part of my momentary thoughtless thinking.
The other day, a kid hit San with his toy. She came to me and cried. She looked like a weakling who can never stand up to a bully. There isn't a big deal about this episode. It's a very common thing that happens when kids play... pushing, pulling, hitting... But it hit me more than it hit her. The Mommy me wanted her to defend herself and stand strong. And by that, I don't mean that she should've hit back, but just appeared and acted strong. Now roll your eyes and tell me, "Isn't that a bit too much to expect from a three-year old?" Yes, it is. But I'm unable to make the Mommy me understand this simple fact. Sigh!
Is it so difficult to let your kids be? No. All I need to do is switch off my overworked brain.
Maybe, I see a reflection of myself in her. The way I was when I was young... the timid one, the slow one... the girl who always chose a quiet, dark corner to sit, the one who was super-choosy about her food, the one who always stayed in her wonderland cuz' she never understood the real one. I don't want San to be like that, like I was. I want her to be like those kids who scream their lungs out, who are aggressive, who get what they want from others without sharing their own, who are highly social, who eat whatever is edible, who have that great ability to turn the whole place upside down. Really? No. That is just a part of my momentary thoughtless thinking.
The other day, a kid hit San with his toy. She came to me and cried. She looked like a weakling who can never stand up to a bully. There isn't a big deal about this episode. It's a very common thing that happens when kids play... pushing, pulling, hitting... But it hit me more than it hit her. The Mommy me wanted her to defend herself and stand strong. And by that, I don't mean that she should've hit back, but just appeared and acted strong. Now roll your eyes and tell me, "Isn't that a bit too much to expect from a three-year old?" Yes, it is. But I'm unable to make the Mommy me understand this simple fact. Sigh!
Is it so difficult to let your kids be? No. All I need to do is switch off my overworked brain.
Each person develops a personality based on how they grow. Best we can do is to provide a safe, positive environment for that. Of course, easier said than done :)
ReplyDeleteyes, I understand, but like you said, easier said than done. :)
DeleteDivoo, good one. Something I struggle with my little one. Even at 6, she's timid compared to many other kids and cries when someone bullies her or pushes her. However, I can say that it's getting better with time! At 3, all she would do is cry. Slowly, we've taught her to "use words" and confront the more aggressive kids when they are mean. Don't worry, as Vijay says correctly - best we can do is provide the environment and teach them how to defend themselves. She'll learn - give her some time! Give San my love! :-)
ReplyDeleteyes, Mimi, i'm bothering about it very soon. she's just a small bud! thanks for sharing your experience! :)
Deletegreat, now i can teach her how to punch harder...;)
ReplyDeletepapa no no!
DeleteMy own way would be to let the kid be and do what please her unless it is harmful.
ReplyDeleteDivot,you must stay away and give her her space
yes, i desperately need to give her space!
Deletemaybe mommy needs a break and dad has to take over :P
ReplyDeletedaddy does her job well, but mommy sure needs a break! :)
DeleteDivs... really you need to switch off your brain. Mostly what we do is let our own experiences overpower and that is where we start overstepping the line as well.
ReplyDeleteya, Jas. i need to stop comparing!
Deleteyou do need to let her develop her own personality but perhaps suggest tools so that she can tackle her own problems better (?)
ReplyDeleteyes, Roshni. that's exactly what i need to do. she and i will learn with time! :)
DeleteOh absolutely! The number of mistakes we did and continue to do with my sons..!!
DeleteThese are all phases of growing up. Today she might have come to you and cried, but she earned an experience,learnt a lesson and tomorrow she will be stronger to deal with such a situation.
ReplyDeleteyep, maybe she'd need more lessons, but one day she'd learn to handle situations and people!
Deletedont understand why my blog updates show up here!!
ReplyDeleteshow up here or do not show up here? i'm still unable to add your new blog link to my hoppers list. it goes back to the old one and sticks to it!
DeleteHi There Divy Where did i hear this before.Well At my working place.
ReplyDeleteKids are like that Divy and thats what we call growing up.Its like a bubbly road Not a carpet one.
With all the good and the bad.
Hear me talking here?!?!? I dont have the experience of this.But i hear my colleagues talk Just like u now. So dont worry.
MJ
you gained a lot of experience from your colleagues, Marij. :) yes, it's a roller-coaster ride with kids!
DeleteThis is very true. Whenever I see resent some person for XYZ reasons, I later realise that it is because I see some part of me in his actions, some part of me that I don't like.
ReplyDeleteyes, we hate seeing a part of us in others! thanks for visiting my blog. :)
DeleteHugs to you...
ReplyDeletei can truly relate to this dilemma of yours. i am sure San will have fun in life the way you are having :)
yes, girls have all the fun... haha! :)
DeleteI think what you're thinking is normal. We tend to see our own/spouse's weaknesses in our children n pray they never become like us. Yet when we see a strength , we' re proud they got it from us ( n not the spouse ;)) . Your lil one is so young, take it easy on her. Remember how u grew from that stage to the wonderful person u are today. With time, she too will develop in strength. :)
ReplyDelete